Abuse Against Women

​

​

One night I was woken by their yelling. My mother and stepfather were arguing. My room was upstairs and I could hear them from the first floor. I became worried. I had an awful feeling and I was honestly terrified.

 

I used my cell phone to call my grandma. I told her my parents were arguing and that I was afraid. She proceeded to tell me that everything would be fine. It’s normal for couples to argue. I don’t think she understood the entirety of the situation. The arguing went on for a bit longer when it suddenly became quiet. I couldn’t hear a thing. Suddenly I heard my mother tell him to get out of her house and a door slam.

 

Within the next few days my stepfather wasn’t home. My mother explained that their relationship was over and I supported her decision, as always. As time went on we got used to living with my single mother. It was a blast. Even when we struggled she always made things work.

 

There was a time when things became frightening again. Her newly ex-husband began

coming to the house late at night demanding that she let him in. When my mother wasn’t home he would yell and try to convince us to open the door and let him in. This led to us moving from the only true home I’d ever known to West Jordan. We all had to transfer schools and my mother got a restraining order.

 

I had never known the intensity of the situation until years later when she informed me that he abused her. She taught me never to be the victim through this experience. She said “You’re either a victim, or a survivor.” These words have been stuck in my mind since. My mother is a strong, independent, loving, selfless, and admirable person. I am so blessed to have such an amazing role model in my life.

 

I recently interviewed this incredible woman and it went as follows:

 

How did the abuse start?

“It started with him grabbing me very tightly. He had a harsh grip and would grab my arm and pull me if I tried to walk away, things like that.”

 

Did it occur more than once?

“Nope. He put his hands on me and I wasn’t going to let it happen again.”

 

Did you call a hotline or receive help?

“I never called or looked into hotlines or anything like that, but my parents and whole family were really supportive about everything.

They defended me and offered me and you guys all the support in the world.”

 

Did he ever feel remorse or try to make it up to you?

“He did, but who’s to say he wouldn’t do it again, or if that was genuine at all.”

 

Was it ever life threatening?

“No, but when he started coming around the house late at night and yelling because we didn’t let him in it got pretty terrifying.”

 

What was your biggest fear when it started happening?

“I didn’t have much on my mind other than you kids. I couldn’t let him even get the idea of aiming

that rage towards you all, I could never forgive myself.”

 

Did you ever fight back?

“I shoved him away from me if that counts, but I really just told him to leave, that’s about it.”

 

What gave you the courage to leave the relationship?

“I just knew that wasn’t okay and I didn’t want that life at all.”

 

Did you ever have doubts about your decision to leave?

“Never. I deserve better and so does my family.”

 

Are you happy with how things ended?

“I wish things could’ve ended a little bit cleaner if that makes sense. It would’ve been convenient if he didn’t stalk us and I didn’t have to get a restraining order and all that, but things happen for a reason.”

 

Do you still communicate with the man that hurt you?

“Yes but rarely. Only for the kids.”

 

Did you tell your family members, if so, were they supportive?

“My whole family showed me loads of love and support, yes. It’s nothing to hide. We all learned from it.”

 

My mother is soon to be 42 years old. She has a steady income, loves her job, and is constantly involved in all si of her children’s lives. She now has two nieces and three dogs. She highly enjoys the outdoors. She grew up on a farm with 5 brothers, which explains her mental toughness. She has been happily married four six years now.

I am so proud of how far my mother has come. Being abused can cause insecurities, fears, and trauma. She never let this experience consume her life. She stayed strong because she knew that’s what she needed to do for us. I have immense respect for her and I hope to be half the woman she is one day.

 

I would like this to inspire anyone being abused or knowing of abuse to take action. I know there are numerous women in the world that feel helpless, like they can’t make things better. I witnessed that you CAN make a change in your life if you wish to. It can be terrifying to stand up to someone who is harming you, mentally, or physically. It is important to realize that you deserve better. You can get away from that situation without confrontation to your abuser. Take control of your life. Do not be a victim. Be a survivor.

 

This profile was based around my mother because of her determination. She fought for not just her own safety, but ours as well. She took charge of her life and prevailed in the end. We are as happy as we have ever been. Large changes in life can seem scary, but sometimes your trials turn out to be your greatest blessings as well.

​

1.800.799.SAFE (7233)

Womenshealth.gov, Violence Against Women, 30 September 2015, 2 February, 2017