The Life In Emotional Abuse

The life with emotional abuse

By Cinthya Teniente

Soraya (not picture provided to protect her privacy) is a beautiful lady, she has 3 kids lily 14, Aaron 11, and Alyn 6. She has been married for 17 years to her husband. Soraya has a normal life, She does not work, she stays at home with her kids, she takes them to school every day, she cleans the house, she cooks, she help the kids with homework, she tries to be a good mom and wife.

More women experience emotional

abuse than physical violence. 35% of all women who are or have been in married or common-law relationships have experienced emotional abuse. In comparison, 29% of women have been physically assaulted by their male

partners. (springtideresources.org)

Everyone that knows her love her and appreciate her friendship, she is a wonderful friend, always ready to help others. I met Soraya at church a few years ago, we became friends and just like any other friend I invited Soraya to have lunch with me.

Behind her beautiful green eyes she has a story of emotional abuse. Behind her smile she hides the fear of being taken away from her kids. Soraya’s husband is jealous and controlling. He does not let her do things that she wants to do. She does not work because he does not let her work. He yells at her and gets mad at her almost every day. He tells the kids that if the family is not together it is Soraya’s fault. Soraya was born in Mexico City. Her family is there, the only family that she has is her husband and her kids. She is afraid that she won’t have a place to go, or a way to support her kids if she leaves. Her husband knows that he is the only person that Soraya has in this Country and he makes sure to let her know that. “You can’t leave me, what are you going to do if you do?” How can you even think of leaving me and your kids? If you leave, you can’t take the kids with you.” These are some of the threats that he uses against her. Soraya is afraid that if she leaves her husband he will take her kids away from her. She lives in fear and depression, her own world is not as happy as she tries to show to other people.

Fear: Your friend may be afraid of what will happen if they decide to leave the relationship. If your friend has been threatened by their partner, family or friends, they may not feel safe leave (loveisrespect.org)

She feels lonely. She feels like she does not have another option more than stay in the relationship. “I love my kids. I want them to have a family,” Soraya said while we were having lunch. I shared my story with her. I have been victim of emotional abuse and when I told her my story she confessed that she is feeling the same way that I felt when I was in that relationship. I did not wanted to encourage her to leave her husband, in the end that is her choice, but everyone needs to be informed of the rights that we have as human.

Believing Abuse is Normal: If your friend doesn’t know what a healthy relationship looks like, perhaps from growing up in an environment where abuse was common, they may not recognize that their relationship is unhealthy. (loveisrespect.org)

Soraya has been reading about the information that I provided for her, she decided to stay in the relationship, she has decided to have her family together even though she is not happy. She thinks her husband can change because he loves her in his own way. She trusted me when she confessed me that she does not love him how she used to, and I understand. When someone you love hurts you like that sometimes it is harder to heal the wounds that painful words cause than actual physical wounds.

Your friend may stay in an abusive relationship hoping that their abuser will change. Think about it — if a person you love tells you they’ll change, you want to believe them. Your friend may only want the violence to stop, not for the relationship to end entirely. (loveisrespect.org)

When I posted on facebook a comment about emotional abuse, she responded to it stating that some influences that could affect leaving an abusive relationship is religious. “Another reason could be religious beliefs in some religions make you believe that divorce is the worst”. She has tried to seek help from religious leaders who have only responded advising her to take therapy counseling. She feels like there is not another way out, she has taken therapy but things do not get better.

Your friend’s culture or religion may influence them to stay rather than end the relationship for fear of bringing shame upon their family. (loveisrespect.org)

Behind Soraya’s smile, a sad story of consecutive humiliations and abuse is hidden. Leaving an emotional abuse relationship is a painful process that is really hard to do most of time. If I did not have the experience in my life I probably could not understand the pain. The choice of leaving is only in the hands of the person being abused.

If you have friends or family members who are in unhealthy or abusive relationships, the most important thing you can do is be supportive and listen to them. Please don’t judge! Understand that leaving an unhealthy or abusive relationship is never easy.Try to let your friend know that they have options. Invite them to check out resources like loveisrespect.org, even if they stay in the abusive relationship. To learn more, check out our other tips on helping a friend.(loveisrespect.org)

Work Cited

Emotional Abuse of Women by Male Partners: The Facts

http://www.springtideresources.org/resource/emotional-abuse-women-male-partners-facts

why Do People Stay in Abusive Relationships?

http://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/why-do-people-stay/

“What is emotional abuse” http://www.icanbreakfree.com/emotional-abuse.html

“What Is Child Welfare Social Work?” http://careersinpsychology.org/become-a-child-welfare-social-worker/

“37 Warning Signs Of Emotional Abuse In A Relationship” http://www.vixendaily.com/love/signs-of-emotional-abuse-relationship/